A Date With Kirk
by WizMonCruWil
Summary: Season 3, Episode 2 Haunted Leg. When Kirk asks Lorelai out, what if she ultimately says Yes? Any of you curious what a date with Kirk would look like? Oh, you are? Well, here it is! Please, red and enjoy!
1. Chapter 1: Kirk Asked Her Out

**Chapter 1: Kirk Asked Her Out**

Lorelai returned to the Crap Shack one Saturday morning after working the early shift at the Independence Inn. It would probably be her last night-owl shift of the summer since Rory was going back to Chilton tomorrow. Thank goodness. Lorelai was exhausted, but not enough for her brain to still be spinning over what had happened the previous afternoon.

Michel had called her over to the fireplace hearth in a panic over some mouse he had spotted, dithering over calling an exterminator immediately. Then, of course, Kirk had walked in. It always happened, to everyone in Stars Hollow, until it became an almost cruel phenomenon of nature: just when you thought things couldn't get any worse, Kirk would show up and make it worse...er.

When she finally found time for him, of course Kirk was coming by to drop off the photographs for Sookie's wedding, which he had taken himself. Lorelai had been a little bummed when Sookie and Jackson had accepted Kirk's bid of doing the photo shoot, but was supportive for her friends. Perhaps Kirk did an OK job - he certainly had enough of them and worked like a dog with a bone. Lorelai promised to take the photos to Sookie, but Kirk would oddly not go away. When he asked if they could sit down, she had frowned, but chalked it up to Kirk being... well, Kirk. The consummate oddball. Then, he had launched into a whole thing about his mother having a condition with blown-out knees before getting to the crux of the matter.

Which was apparently to, out of the blue, ask Lorelai out on a date. Dinner, more specifically, for two weeks hence.

Never mind that Lorelai had never been involved with any guy who planned a date two weeks in advance, but the fact that Kirk had asked her out at all hit her right between the eyes. She was speechless, her stomach dropping as she processed just what he had asked her. Certainly he had been brave - it took a certain level of bravery for any guy to ask a girl out. But... _him_? The town bizzaro, who still seemed to resemble something of a child? Who was Lorelai's peer and still lived with his mother? Her heart had sunk like a stone. Nerdy, odd guys had asked her out when she was young - and even though it had been the 80s, when _everyone_ was odd, those types of guys still stuck out like sore thumbs.

Kirk was ambitious. She had to give him that. Ambitious, even down to the women he pursued. He aimed high. But to want to date _her_... well, Lorelai wasn't a snob or egotistical, but that was aiming a little _too_ high.

All the same... he had been so sweet to, painfully awkwardly, tell her she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Lorelai had had plenty of men tell her she was beautiful, but never that sincerely. Even when Kirk had uttered it, he had looked like he was about to faint or have an anxiety attack at any moment. She even forgot about his qualifier tacked on at the end, about a filthy magazine.

By the time Lorelai returned home, it was mid-morning; Rory was still asleep. When her little Sleeping Beauty finally awoke, Lorelai calmed her nerves by launching into a gushing rant of Rory starting her senior year, capped with the delivery of her bill for 18 years of feeding, diaper changing and guaranteed room and board. Hey, Lorelai was a hospitality manager, so she knew of what she spoke, as Rory crawled away to don a pink bathrobe.

"Ok, you got home too late last night and I didn't get a chance to talk to you..."

"I came home at 10 and you were already asleep."

"Well, I was trying to watch The Legend of Bagger Vance again..."

"What did I miss?" Rory sighed. Lorelai stood, taking a deep breath and smoothing down her skirt as she stood.

"Kirk asked me out." She got through a tight mouth.

"Shut up!" Rory's face lit up into a million-watt grin that Lorelai did not find amusing in the slightest.

"Yesterday, he came to the Inn and asked me to dinner."

"That's so sweet..." Rory cooed.

"Sweet?!"

"You should wear your dress with the ponies! I bet he likes ponies!"

"Rory, I cannot go out with _Kirk_!" Lorelai gasped.

"Why?"

"_Why_?! He's... he's _Kirk_!" Lorelai almost squeaked nervously, her breath coming in somewhere between a gasp and a laugh.

"Well, as long as he loves you..."

_Wait... loves me?_ Lorelai gawked. "You are not serious!"

"I just want you to be happy!" OK, Rory was definitely teasing.

"Hello, Headmaster Charleston, this is my stepfather, Kirk. Please don't make any sudden movements, he's a fear-biter!"

The words Kirk and stepfather in the same sentence seemed to mellow Rory out. "OK, so how will you let him down?"

"I don't know, that's why I needed to talk to you, you're the nice one in the family."

"Well, you could tell him the truth - you could say you're not interested in dating him and that you just want to be friends."

"Uhh, that sounds so lame..." Mother and daughter went back and forth through options as they moved into the kitchen for breakfast, working up to moving and assuming secret identities to hide from the FBI, trading hotels and school for community theatre and soccer. Rory opened the fridge to retrieve the milk, failing to tamp down a bubbling laugh.

"Stop!" Lorelai groaned.

"It's funny!"

"It's _not_ funny! It's _bad_! I have to _see_ this guy! He works at every business in town; I can't get away from him!"

"Well, then you should marry him and move in with his mother!" Rory adorably could not keep the mirth out of her voice. But then her expression suddenly turned serious. "I think you should do it."

Lorelai nearly choked on their marshmallow cereal. "What?"

"Go on a date with Kirk."

"OK, I thought we were past this..." Lorelai eyed her daughter warily.

"You've gone on plenty of dates before! Single dates where you then drop them like a hot rock. Remember Peyton?"

Lorelai did remember Peyton. He had been drop-dead _gorgeous_, but personality-wise, dryer than toast. Even Alex Lesman from last year, who she had made it past one date with, had fizzled after only a few.

"Mom:" Rory eyed her hard. "Kirk has probably never been on a date _in his life_, let alone had someone even say Yes only to just stand him up later."

"That's a great idea!" Lorelai chirped. "I'll say Yes, then call and cancel after you fake the flu!"

"In the middle of August?" Rory laughed at her. "Mom: say Yes. _And_ go through with it. You will make Kirk's week. Hell, his _year_. And then, after that, you don't have to have any obligation. You can say you just want to be friends."

Lorelai groaned as her head hit the tabletop. "Great. We're right back where we started!"

* * *

Lorelai had thought getting coffee and talking to Luke would help. Boy, was she wrong.

Apparently, Luke already knew that Kirk had asked her out, after Kirk told him. Lorelai was a little stung when Luke was beyond not appearing as bothered about it as she hoped he'd be; in fact, he seemed to take a page out of Rory's book and happily tease her about it. When the word wedding came up, she told him to go jump in his own greasepan. The fact that she had to have lunch with Emily only dampened her mood.

Walking across the square after leaving the Diner, she spied Kirk passing out flyers and over-enthusiastically trying to take measurements of people's pets. A pet grooming business, perhaps? She wouldn't be surprised.

She thought over what Rory had said, about saying Yes and how it would make Kirk's life. And Kirk was a nice guy, if also a little strange. It would be a date, but there didn't have to be any expectations. She was just being nice. Even if she had to tell herself that this wouldn't be out of pity. Squaring her shoulders, she marched up to him.

"Yes."

Kirk blinked, as a creeped-out Mrs. Kim moved on with her Pekingese poodle. "I'm sorry, Lorelai, did I ask you a question?"

"Yes. I'll go on a date with you. But let's bump it up on the calendar - say, this Saturday?" Lorelai knew Rory would be studying over at a friend's that night after her first week, Paris most likely.

Kirk appeared stunned, like he had lost the ability to talk. Lorelai peered at him. "Um, Kirk? I just said I would go on..."

"OK." His voice sounded strangled, even as a pathetically hopeful grin broke across his face. "OK. Al's Pancake World, and then Read, White and Black Theatre?"

Lorelai blinked rapidly. "Uh... Ye... Yeah. That sounds great."

Kirk nodded, then promptly ran away, pelting in almost a panic towards the direction of Luke's Diner. Smiling softly, Lorelai shook her head. _If he asks for dating advice from Luke, Luke will probably kill him and I won't have to go through with it, after all... _


	2. Chapter 2: A Date With Kirk

**Chapter 2: A Date With Kirk**

If Lorelai had had her way, she would have shown up for her Saturday night date with... Kirk in just jeans and a nice leather jacket - the grey one with the white blouse! But Rory wasn't having it.

Her daughter insisted that she wear the blue suit with the flippy skirt. "You have to at least show him that you're making an effort," Rory had chided. Well, at least it wasn't the skirt with ponies. With a frown, Lorelai had agreed, but drew the line after Rory forced her to put on the bare minimum layer of make-up.

Thank goodness Kirk had not suggested Luke's Diner for dinner. If she had had to be on a date with Kirk... with _Luke_ serving them, Lorelai would have just about died. And knowing Luke, he would have gleefully laughed at them the whole night, or at least made an over-the-top spectacle out of it with jokes and teasing winks that would have flown right over Kirk's head.

Kirk was waiting on the street for her when she pulled up in her Jeep. He was in a button-down shirt and some slacks that his mother surely picked out for him. Even with the undeniable assist, Lorelai had to admit... Kirk cleaned up all right. And the way he was blinking rather rapidly upon seeing her was actually touching. "You look... beautiful." Again, the flattery that would not have worked with anyone else, but coming from sincere Kirk... did. Lorelai actually smiled. "Thank you."

But she wasn't smiling when she sat down in the booth with Kirk to find Luke at the table right across from them. "What are you doing here?" her eyes nearly popped. "You're supposed to be at the Diner!"

"Closed early tonight," Luke rumbled, barely able to hide his smile or his mirth. "Are you kidding? I'm not missing this for anything!"

Lorelai darted a quick glance to her date, who predictably had his face buried in the menu. "You stop it!" she hissed. "He hasn't had a chance like this in his life!" It might be painful and awkward for her... but Lorelai would gamely go through with it if it made Kirk's year, to invoke Rory's words. As she had told herself... she was being nice.

As long as she ignored Luke trying and failing to act like he wasn't watching them like a hawk, Lorelai actually had an enjoyable dinner with Kirk. She didn't get half the trains of thought he verbally expressed, but even these made her laugh. And her laugh was genuine. And Kirk was polite, a gentleman, with manners that even Emily would have grudgingly admitted passed muster. When Lorelai even ventured to compliment him on it, Kirk confessed with disarming honesty, "I taped myself on a mock-date with you, then played it back to learn what I did wrong."

Lorelai blinked in astonishment. _Wow_, she thought, impressed. _That took... a lot of effort. _

They finished their meal about the same time Luke did, Kirk insisting on paying for it. "Put it on my mother's tab," he told Al as he passed back the check. The pair then left for the Read, White and Black, Luke whistling a tune as he wandered back towards the diner in the opposite direction. At one point, Kirk swayed out his fingers as if wanting to hold Lorelai's hand, but when she didn't move, he dropped it lamely at his side. Lorelai felt an odd twinge of guilt.

Pippi Longstockings was playing at the theatre that night, with Dean Forrester working the concessions. Lorelai glanced to Kirk, confused. "Aren't concessions... one of your jobs?"

"We share shifts. And a cut of the profits," Dean explained wryly as he passed them their popcorn, glancing curiously between the two of them. Something told Lorelai that Kirk had haggled this deal... and that Dean wasn't happy about it. "Enjoy the show."

The movie was enjoyable, cut up only by Kirk having to get up to go to the restroom. When he returned, he looked surprised that Lorelai was still there, and said so.

"Of course I'm still here. Why wouldn't I be?" Lorelai smiled at him kindly.

"Oh, it's just that on my previous dates, when I come back from the restroom... she's gone." He said this in his usual, serious and sincere monotone.

Lorelai didn't know what surprised her more: that Kirk had actually been on a date without getting stood up first, or that he had never gotten all the way to the end of one. If she wanted to be technical about it, Kirk had never been on a full date before. It was so pitiful, it made her heart hurt.

The movie ended, and Lorelai drove Kirk home in her Jeep. The Gleasons lived on the edge of town, and all the windows were dark when she switched off the headlights. The pair turned to face each other.

"Well... that was a great first. I had a nice time. We should make plans for the next one," Kirk concluded. She looked at him heartbreakingly, torn. Kirk must have noticed the sadness in her eyes, for he frowned. "Lorelai...?"

"Oh, fuck it," she sighed through a deep breath. Grabbing his face, Lorelai pushed her lips fiercely against his and kissed him.

Kirk didn't respond for close to a full minute, and only reciprocated after Lorelai squirmed and pushed her tongue into his mouth. He tasted... nice. Not good, not bad, just nice.

For just the briefest instant, Lorelai considered swinging her legs over the console. Pulling him in between them and pressing his head into her neck, her own face into the seat cushion, where no one could hear their cries... but she decided against it. Forcing Kirk into something he might not be ready for would likely traumatize him, and could even backfire, as the burst of self-esteem might compel Kirk to boast proudly of his conquest to anyone who would listen. And Stars Hollow had eyes and ears everywhere. A charitable kiss she could explain away to Ms. Patty or Babette or even Rory if confronted about it. A round of pity sex or even giving Kirk head was not so easily justifiable. That wouldn't be fair to either of them. And how could she look her daughter in the eye? Besides, blowjobs weren't meant to be altruistic. Then again, most kisses weren't either. As a general rule, Lorelai almost never kissed on the first date, unless he was a really, really cute boy. But Kirk had earned it. He had been attentive and sweet and shown her a good time. And for all she knew, as Lorelai closed her eyes and deepened the kiss (she felt Kirk moan into her mouth), this was almost certainly Kirk's first kiss.

She finally broke apart, releasing him gently. Kirk appeared thunderstruck and she had to smile. "Good night," she whispered. He took that as his cue to leave, staggering out of the Jeep and up the walk. Licking her lips, still feeling warmth from where Kirk's hand had ended up cradling her cheek, Lorelai smiled and went home.

* * *

It was late, with Rory still not back yet, when she arrived home at the Crap Shack. Lorelai went into the living room to wait up for her, thinking over her date. About an hour later, an exhausted Rory appeared, though she perked up enough so that Lorelai could feel her teasing smirk from clear across the room.

"Hey. How was your date?"

"Good. We went to Al's. Pippi Longstocking's at the Read, White and Black. Then I drove him home."

Rory shrugged, and turned to head into the kitchen. Biting her lip, Lorelai blurted it out:

"I kissed him."

Her daughter nearly walked into the wall. Spinning around, however, the million-watt grin was back. "_What_?! Shut up! How was it?"

Lorelai winced. "Impulsive," she answered honestly. "But, Rory, he was so sweet, he paid with his mother's credit card -"

"You kissed him because he paid for dinner with his mother's credit card?" Rory gaped stupidly.

"No, I kissed him because... it was a nice date. Nice, and pitiful, and he had never even made it to the end of one; his other dates would leave him hanging the minute he went to the bathroom..."

"Awww..." Rory melted. A pause, and then: "How was it?"

"How was what?"

"The kiss, silly! How was the kiss?"

"I told you: nice! Not good, not bad, it was just nice."

Another pause. "...Did he kiss you back?"

"After sitting there frozen for over a minute, yes, he did. He had no technique, but he didn't take advantage, which I appreciated." Raising her eyes to her daughter, she cringed. "Am I leading him on?"

"With the way you probably kiss? Oh, definitely." Rory's assessment was blunt. She buried her face in her hands. "But, Mom: you can't control that," Rory reminded her sadly. "If anything, you just gave yourself more leverage to cut bait and say you just want to be friends. You gave him a try, which is what I asked you to do. Not many women would have done even that. But continuing to date him because you feel bad... well, then you really _are_ leading him on. And that's not fair to you, and it sure isn't fair to Kirk."

Lorelai studied her daughter curiously. There, just a flash, was a spark of wisdom and clarity. Richard, her father, briefly appeared... with a dash of Straub, but minus the pompousness. She smiled gratefully. "You are _so_ my daughter."


	3. Chapter 3: We're Supposed To Be

**Chapter 3: We're Supposed To Be...**

Lorelai saw Kirk again a few days later, down by the old dilapidated inn. Gently, she told him that she just wanted to remain friends. Kirk sweetly understood, and Lorelai left him with a warm peck on the cheek.

A few weeks following that, the town rumor mill came to life with a very intriguing story: a girl by the name of Lulu had come down to visit Kirk. According to East Side Tilly, she had previously dated one of Kirk's brothers. Could something be happening? Lorelai didn't take much stock in it, but she dared to hope... Perhaps their date had given or would give Kirk the boost of confidence he needed.

Luke seemed to restrain himself from wanting to ask Lorelai how her date went, not wanting to pry. After all, he had been present for half of it himself. But finally, Luke could stand it no longer, and Lorelai mercifully spilled.

She told him everything, including the kiss and even her brief consideration to take Kirk's virginity by making love to him. "I didn't go through with that, though. I couldn't." She winced as Luke's expression didn't change. "Do you think less of me?"

His reply was surprisingly immediate. "No. Did you do the right thing by kissing him? Yes. Lord knows that boy needs confidence, but not enough to let it all go to his head. And if you had screwed him out of pity... well, that's the kind of girl no one should want to date anyway." He made a face. "Plus the mental image of Kirk having sex is too searing. Or of you having sex with him. You having sex in general..." His voice oddly trailed off. Piqued, Lorelai found herself leaning forward to ask Luke just what he meant by that, when the door rattled. Ms. Patty was there, breasts heaving and panting hard as if she had been running.

"It's Kirk!" she blasted out.

"What? What happened?" Lorelai grew concerned for her friend.

"_It's_ happened!"

"What's _it_?" Luke frowned.

"East Side Tilly told Babette, who told Gypsy, who told me that she saw Lulu leaving the Gleasons' place early this morning in a bathrobe!"

No effect. "So?" Luke shrugged.

"So... East Side Tilly said that Kirk and Lulu went out last night, got home late. She went in with him and never went home. She spent the night!"

Lorelai and Luke shared a look: Lorelai's one of pride, Luke's one of unabashed horror. He dashed around the counter.

"You stay there!"

Lorelai felt her mouth drop open even as her lips upturned into a smirk. "Where are you going?"

"To give that kid a... Sex Ed lesson!"

She gawked. "You are not serious! Go to Dosse's, if you need to get him some condoms..."

"Lorelai, Kirk doesn't even know what a condom _is_! Do you really want to run the risk of a baby Kirk rolling around here in nine months?!" His face was positively white. On second thought, Lorelai felt her insides clench.

"Hurry!" And Luke sprinted away.


End file.
